I wanted to share my advice for female teens and tweens, as they enter the challenging yet wonderful years ahead. It is not just physical changes that occur in young people, but social and psychological changes as well. Neurologically, the brain is not even fully developed until the 20's, so that explains a lot! Here is my advice:
Advice for Tweens/Teens
through
Social and
Psychological Development
By Dawn Foss, APRN and author
Referenced Pediatric HOUSECALLS by Robert R. Jarrett
MD, MBA, FAAP, “Puberty: Psychological Stages Parts 1 and 2”
Tanner Stages 3-4 tend to be
difficult times, as the body changes and hormones are adjusting. To be better prepared for this change of
life, below are some suggested tips:
- Try to
be friends with everyone. No
romantic relationships are needed until college, or after you have
completed your education, if the relationships are a distraction. College is usually when you will meet
someone meaningful, you will have a better idea of who you are and who
would be a better companion for you, and you are around of a lot of
choices so you can have a better chance of finding the right match.
- Make
a list now of how you see yourself in 5 years, in 10 years, what kind of
job you think you might want someday, how many children (if any), what
kind of house you want to live in, etc.
Keep your eyes focused on the goals you have set for yourself,
knowing they can change, but keep them real and healthy.
- Romantic
relationships can cause a lot competition, insecurities, fights,
etc. If you plan on just being
friends with everyone, going to youth group activities and other things
that are safe, you will avoid all that aggravation. Why make life harder on yourself than
is necessary?
- Remember
that your self image is very heightened during the teen years. Celebrate your uniqueness and
differences, knowing you are a special creation by God. Make it a rule for yourself that you
will not make fun of others for things they cannot change, such as a large
nose, and if there is something that someone can change and might not be
aware of it, such as foul body odor, tell them gently in private, and
don’t talk about it behind their backs.
You will have true friends when you are a good friend, and your
peers can trust you. Doesn’t the
world need more people like that?
Be that one.
- Remember
that you are going through hormonal changes, your appearance with acne and
things like body odor, body hair, weight gain, larger hips are all part of
maturing. Those are supposed to
happen. You will have a little more
abdominal thickness to prepare you for later pregnancy, and that’s why your
hips expand. Please don’t look at
this as a negative. You will be
changing into a woman, and that’s wonderful.
- God
will never desire for you to live immorally, or leave you helpless to
fight off temptation (1 Cor. 10:13).
You CAN make healthy and wise choices for yourself and many
do. You are capable of making good
decisions. Just because sources
like television and magazines try to paint a bleak picture, know that in
reality while temptation will come, I guarantee it, you can stay focused
on better options in the area of purity.
- Respect
yourself and others. Purity is like
fruit behind the glass. When people
go to an open market and handle the fruit, bruising it, etc., it’s not as
good as juicy grapes behind a glass that are cool, clean, and untouched,
for example.
- Be
modest; you make a statement by your clothing choices, so make sure that
is the statement of a wise and healthy young lady. You can dress stylish and be
modest. Adults and even your peers
will respect you for it. Just
don’t flaunt or make others feel bad for not measuring up to you; be
humble, and people will be attracted to the beauty inside of you.
- Never,
ever get bad grades on purpose for fear of not fitting in. Those same peers who make you feel like
a “geek” or a “loser” for getting good grades may end up improving in
their grades and leaving you behind while you struggle to get them back
up. Be smart, and feel good about
all your hard work. It will pay
off when you’re admitted to your college of choice, or getting the career
you dreamed of. Don’t allow those
peers who make fun of you to be authoritative in your life; they cannot
diminish your value.
- Keep
open communication with your parents, and find other adults you can trust
to ask questions, such as teachers, coaches, youth pastors, a friend’s
parent, etc. Realize they have more
life experience, and even if it doesn’t make sense to you now, or you
can’t see the consequences or repercussions for your actions and choices,
they have those insights. Be
teachable and humble, and you will gain a lot of wisdom beyond your
years. It’s a great thing for
people to say that of you.
- Stay
away from harmful substances, as you are more likely to not overcome
addiction if starting during adolescence.
Preserve your body; you are going to need it for many years. And teens do die; don’t think you are made
of rubber. Prevent bad things as best as you can by being
smart in your choices. Some people never grow out of immaturity, and they
think the teen years are meant for partying rather than accomplishment. Have good, clean fun, but don’t waste
your life.
- Use
your teen years to do hard things.
Publish a book, learn to draw, learn to play an instrument,
consider becoming an entrepreneur.
Many great things in history were done by teens! Don’t waste these years ahead, but think
smart and set yourself up for success.
Get some experience by volunteering at nursing homes, children’s
hospitals, or recovery rooms to bring families in or greet people. Volunteer at libraries to read to children,
soup kitchens to pass out food and supplies, and when you’re a little
older work with responsible adults in areas such as legal offices helping
to file, physical therapists’s offices to help with towels and stocking,
etc. Some of these places take high
school students on a voluntary basis.
If you like politics, volunteer at a campaign office. Form a blog that has positive
inspirational messages for your peers, and get good discussions
going. Have an adult you can
consult with. Enter writing contests at libraries. Take a community art class or learn how
to sew your own clothes, and perhaps see if your parents can help you sell
them. Think big!
- Remember
that things will settle out. Once
you get to Tanner stage 5, you will physically be an adult, and your
hormones won’t be so aggressive.
The things you started as a teen will reward you now. Think of the teen years as preparatory
time. What do you want to
accomplish? Take steps in that
direction and realize you don’t have to wait until you grow up to do great
things and make a difference.
- While
it is normal and God-given for you to start wanting to be independent of
your parents, as that is the ultimate goal, do not isolate yourself from
them. They have a responsibility to
make sure they are aware of what is going on so they can protect you if
needed. They should be allowing you
to make more choices, and allow you to make some of your own mistakes, but
remember that they are held accountable to God for how they raise you and
to keep you safe, not just physically, but emotionally and
spiritually. It’s a big job! Try to help them out. They are not your enemy, despite
sometimes feeling like that. Make
smart choices yourself so you don’t have to have anyone nagging at
you. They will trust you, and that
is something precious that you don’t want to lose.
- Last
thought: neurological maturity has been found not to complete until you
are in your 20’s, so try not to be too impulsive or short-sighted. Abstract reasoning will still be
developing for a while, and realize that it’s okay that you don’t have all
the answers. They will come. Get opinions from people you trust
before making any serious decisions.
Usually around 20-24 you can really see from your parent’s
perspective, and you will realize how smart they really are.
1 Thessalonians 5:18: "In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."
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