Twenty pearls of wisdom for the Christian woman who is getting married...

I sat down and thought about things I've learned over the past 24 years in my marriage, from personal experience and from watching others, as well as things I've been taught. I shared these with my daughter at her bridal shower, and had positive feedback that these words of wisdom were very helpful. I decided to share them on my blog, in case they will be helpful to anyone else as well. God bless you!
 

1. First of all, enjoy your wedding!  Don’t get too crazy over details. Do everything you can to prepare ahead of time, and then have fun! Let it reflect the two of you as you share this special day together with your family and friends.

2. Honor your commitment. When things get tough, remember the promises you made on your wedding day. It means something. It’s a vow before God, your spouse, and witnessed by your family and closest friends.

3. Set the mood for your home. You have a big influence on whether or not your home is a haven of rest or a den of dissention.  Keep your place homey and welcoming. It can be stylish, but don’t ever make your “stuff” more important than the people in your home.

4. Resist the temptation to be your husband’s boss or his mother. He already has those. He needs an understanding wife, someone who will go through life’s trials by his side, not over his head…or under his feet like a mat. Keep the balance and be a help to him.

5. Be kind and treat your husband with primary respect at all times, just because he is your husband, a fellow human being, and a brother in Christ. Even if he ever sacrifices his secondary respect to you as a godly husband, always treat him with human dignity and care enough to help him find his way back again.

6. Support him with his dreams and projects, as he learns and grows and develops as he matures into an older man. The same should be expected of you. You two will change as the years go on, and that’s OK, that’s normal. Don’t compare each other with how you are right now in your youth, and show disappointment that change has occurred. Embrace it, and support each other in that change, and don’t leave one another behind. Move forward hand in hand through the journey of life. There are many adventures ahead. Enjoy the ride!

7. Be honest, and have integrity in all that you do. Don’t do things behind his back. Be up front so you never compromise the trust that you have in each other. Trust is hard to earn back once it’s lost.

8. Always be faithful, even if and when other men grab your affection and attention. Be gracious for admiration others give you, but never lose the respect in yourself as a godly married woman. Keep yourself pure, even if things get tough in your marriage relationship.

9. Try to keep life manageable as far as other commitments and time wasters. This can be challenging, but always make some one on one time with him, even when children demand the majority of your time. Remember he came first, and then the children, and he will be there when the children leave the nest.

10. Make mealtime special. It’s a great opportunity to talk about your day, and hear about his. Show interest in him; even if what he has to talk about seems boring to you, don’t forget that it’s important to him or else he wouldn’t have brought it up. “Boring” is relative and based on perspectives, not reality.

11. Allow him to make some mistakes. Give your advice and wisdom, but be careful not to play God. He may need to learn things the hard way, and sometimes that is how people grow and mature. Be there to support him the best you can, especially if you know his heart is in the right place.

12. Don’t forget to play! Have fun together, and find things you both enjoy doing together.  Games and a little healthy competition can bring a spark to your relationship.

13. Learn the wisdom of compromise when it won’t hurt anyone or anything.  Don’t treat preferences like law. Don’t always be the one compromising, but make sure you know how to give in for the sake of the marriage relationship, and try to find a happy medium whenever possible. 

14. Remember that your husband is the head of the home, and will stand before God one day and give an account of how he did. There is great responsibility on his shoulders for the physical, emotional, and spiritual well being of everyone in his home. Respect that, pray for him, and do devotions together to keep your relationship strong with the Lord. A man who walks closely with the Lord will not lead you astray. When it’s hard to submit, do it for the Lord’s sake (2 Peter 2:13).  Remember, however, that your opinion counts, and you contribute much to the relationship and household, and he will depend on you for wisdom and advice. Be that helper God designed you to be. Be organized, and run the things well that you are in charge of.

15. Don’t overspend. It’s better to have fewer things and fewer bills than to have more things and debt hanging over your head. Don’t buy things that require a lot of maintenance or monthly bills attached to it. Learn to live simply, and get creative doing activities and having nice things on a budget. There are also many wonderful things to do that don’t cost much money, such as cooking together, taking a walk in the park, spending time reading together, taking the kids to the library, watching a good movie at home, etc.

16. Control your moodiness, even when you have PMS. It’s not his fault! Curb your moods, and remember to treat him with that primary respect, even if he is annoying and irritating you. If you find yourself really on edge, put some distance between you before you say or do something you’ll regret; take a bubble bath, a walk, window shopping, or spend some time with a friend who will make you feel better.

17. Don’t forget your friends or family. While the majority of your time will be spent with your husband and children when you have them, don’t be an island unto yourselves. It’s healthy to have girl time and extended family time once in a while.

18. Be faithful to God, to church, and to ministry. Don’t burn your candle at both ends by trying to do too much, but keep your family close to the Lord. Setting the example to your children is important so they can appreciate the importance and priority of God in your life. The teachers and people they can look up to at church are very important, and it will be helpful to you as you train your children.  Being involved in your community is also a wonderful thing to do together. It gives a sense of belonging and togetherness, reaching out to others for the common good.

19. Be careful not to bash your husband to others.  If you need some godly advice, then respectfully seek it from people you can trust, always with the goal of restoration of your relationship. Don’t confide in people who will gossip about you or further trash your husband. 

20. And last but not least, keep the romance going. It may get trickier as you get older and have a lot of responsibility with work and children, but be creative and keep the sparks flying. It may take conscious effort, but keep yourself as attractive as you can, and keep that special romance alive.