What I have learned after 25 years of marriage

My marriage, like most marriages, is not perfect.  We as a couple are a work in progress!  We as individuals are a work in progress!  We have had our ups and our downs, but I have gained some wisdom over the years.  These are some of the main things I have learned:

1. Don’t try to change who your spouse is, but work on your responses to trials in your relationship. It rarely works to change someone’s bad habits or traits by nagging and complaining, and it’s really an unfair expectation on anyone, including yourself.
2. However, encourage your spouse lovingly to be the best they can be.  Sometimes this requires a gentle push in the right direction, and a lot of prayer.  Help your spouse realize that they matter to you, you care about them, but you also care about your health and the health of the relationship.
3. Don’t squash your spouse’s dreams and goals.  Realize that those dreams and goals can change over time.  It’s expected that your spouse will not be that same person he or she was when you first met.  Sure, certain personality traits may be there, but hopefully they are maturing and growing with time.  Celebrate this, rather than grieving for the past. Hopefully these are positive growth changes. If not, go back to #2.
4. Make sure in fulfilling your goals and dreams, which are great, that you don’t get swallowed up in them and leave your spouse in the dust.  Even good things can become a sort of “mistress”.  Balance of time and attention is key.
5. Have fun together.  Make sure you take time to play, whether it’s doing crossword puzzles, playing board games, doing a puzzle, going to the gym, telling jokes, going on a date, watching a movie, taking a walk, watching sports, going shopping, whatever makes you both happy.  If it’s hard to find something you both enjoy, take turns doing together what the other person enjoys.  Eventually you may find something you can both enjoy together.
6. Children are vitally important, but remember not to leave your spouse behind while bringing up your kids.  The children will grow up and go out on their own one day.  Make sure when that day comes that you don’t look at your spouse and say, “Who are you?”